you turned your livingroom into a bong?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
this hospital has no fireball
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize