I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
