My underwear smells like fireworks.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
