I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
