HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
