I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
