Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
