i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
