Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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