I didn't shave. On purpose
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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