I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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