no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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