dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
