Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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