It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
