you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
