I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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