i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
