I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
