The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
