yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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