that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You took a bar mat shot.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
