i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
In America we eat man semen.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dick very happy bro
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
