i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
