FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
