y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
