I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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