I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
