She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
