well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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