I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
