It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
