I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
