You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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