Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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