How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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