Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
