come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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