She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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