i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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