he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
