My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize