My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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