The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
