the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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