do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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