watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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