it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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