Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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