did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize