just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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