my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
