well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
