if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
