omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
