She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
