If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
