You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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