so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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