Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
