She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize