I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
