Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
