i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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