Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
