also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
