The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
