Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
