I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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