he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
