I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
