turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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