OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
