The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
