I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
