You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
