yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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