At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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