some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
