You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
