Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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