worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
