Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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