He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
