update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize