Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
