marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
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Do I have a choice?
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Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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