Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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(614): View more from Ohio

i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid

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(337): View more from Louisiana

You going out tonight?

(318): View more from Louisiana

No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie

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(563): View more from Iowa

I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.

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(301): View more from Maryland

ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.

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(512): View more from Texas

My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.

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