mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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