You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
