Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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