I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
