God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
