His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
