These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
