omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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