eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
