apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
