Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
