Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
