I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
