Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
