Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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