Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
