Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
