he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
True college students do jello shots in the library
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