If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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