This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Let's paint friendship bongs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
