we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
