who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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